I don’t want to feel like a patient!

I don’t want to feel like a patient. I know, technically, I am. I’m on medication, it needs reviewing by medical professionals. This is sensible and necessary. I do not have an issue with this, when it is occasional or a change needs to be made. Generally I’m treated as an adult and my involved in decisions about my care and medication. If I think something should go up or down, I’m generally trusted to manage it.

But I don’t want to feel like a patient. When I first moved to London and had a new GP she refused to give me my medication on repeat prescriptions. I’d been on these meds for well over a year. I understand that at first she needed to keep tabs and get to know me, but this went on for months, to the point where I changed GPs because I couldn’t stand it… She did also tell me THE FIRST TIME I MET HER that she wanted me off *all* medication. I had to have an appointment every 4 weeks, as well as regular appointments with the nurse as they wouldn’t prescribe the contraceptive pill I’ve been on for 8 years on repeat either. This, on top of a physical health issue requiring regular prescriptions of codeine, meant I essentially lived in my GP. Aside from this being inconvenient, it suddenly felt like I was unwell, which was not the case. I was fine and just wanted life to carry on as normal. I felt ‘medicalised’… Not sure if that’s a word… It is now… But if you’re treated like you’re unwell, you start to over-analyse and think that you are.

So why am I moaning about this? One of the medications I’m on is pregabalin. This is to control anxiety and thus far has been the medication that’s made the most immediate and profound effect. For me, it has been a wonder drug. And it’s been reclassified. This means it is now a class C controlled drug and, essentially, the upshot is that it can no longer be prescribed on repeat. I believe the concerns are that it is being over prescribed for pain, but also has a fairly high street value.

But this means I’ll have to go back to monthly appointments with the doctor, even if they’re just phone appointments. This is hassle. It’s unnecessary. It’s a waste of my doctor’s time, and of my time. And again, I’ll begin to become medicalised.

I understand the necessity to put extra controls on certain drugs, and considering the current spike of this drug on the black market (apparently particularly in prisons), it seems appropriate. But I feel that the rules should not be absolute. For someone who’s in chronic neuralgic pain, they do need frequent review. This is to see whether the pain is relieved or improved. Whether they still need the medication. Whether they need a higher or a lower dose. Chronic pain is quite fluid and changeable, and therefore needs careful and close management.

However, unfortunately, my cyclothymia and anxiety aren’t going anywhere. They might fluctuate, but these psychiatric conditions aren’t something that go. They need to be managed for life, and the management tends to be fairly stable when something successful has been found.

Chronic pain is also often something to be managed for life, but the treatment necessary is often much more fluent and changeable. I don’t think I’ve explained my point very well, but what I mean is that when mental health is stabilised with medication it tends to remain stable. This is less common with chronic pain.

It seems odd to me, that despite the fact I have been on this medication for two years, and on this dose for about a year and a half, and it’s WORKING, I suddenly have to go back to monthly appointments in order to get it. I’m also under the mental health team, so there is someone keeping tabs.

I suppose what I’m saying is that I appreciate the need for these classifications, but the rules should be more flexible depending on the illness for which the drug is being prescribed.

So… Overall… I’m doing ok. Currently in a slightly difficult patch, but still functioning, and compared to the past, this is nothing. But I have felt like a normal, functioning member of society for a year. I haven’t felt mentally ill, because I haven’t been. And I’m not now. But I’m frustrated that the system has the potential to make me feel as if I’m a patient again, even though I’m well.